Let me rephrase that. Curry is a sporadic spastic. She can accelerate to speeds topping 20 mph in our 300 square foot, heavily furnished living room. She does this for about 45 seconds, then stops abruptly, to stare meditatively, before ravishing her stuffing hemorrhaging Playboy bunny pillow.
Repeat.
It’s a vicious cycle.
If she does something out of the repetitive ordinary, I’ll report. Until then, I’m bored with her.
Although, right now, she’s engaged in her meditative stare, with said bunny pillow, dangling from her lower canine. The pillow is half her size. It’s funny.
She is so annoying to me today, I want to annihilate her, she’s been following me around everywhere, getting in my way as I’m trying to figure out where my things will go, wiping her wet nose on me, trying to take me out by kicking my leg pit with her surprisingly powerful paw.
Maybe I should get another dog for her to chew on, or even for reciprocal chewing, so she can leave me the frick alone. Plus she stinks like sweetly sour wet old dog vaj.
I prolly should wash her.
Thursday, August 30
A really awesome poem I wrote all by myself
Why is the rustling of a newspaper just back up noise to ignore
Have you ever noticed the minor sounds of life around you
Made them major
Given them center stage
The whisper of carpet collapsing beneath your feet
The sound of your fingertips brushing your lover’s arm
The squish of water passing through your throat
You know, no one does
I don’t
The whole newspaper thing, I stumbled on by accident
It was a deafeningly silent mid day, mid week moment
On my back porch
I had grown tired of the crossword puzzle making me feel like an idiot
And had opted to flip the page
To tackle the word jumble
I had no choice but to notice the rustle
(Do the Rustle!)
It was not a zen moment
Not a second of enlightenment
A glimpse into the true nature of things
The Buddha nature
A haiku
It was a happenstance
And as is in my nature, I
For the sake of my pompous pontification
Hopped up onto my pedestal
And said,
“blah blah blah”
I’m a douche
Have you ever noticed the minor sounds of life around you
Made them major
Given them center stage
The whisper of carpet collapsing beneath your feet
The sound of your fingertips brushing your lover’s arm
The squish of water passing through your throat
You know, no one does
I don’t
The whole newspaper thing, I stumbled on by accident
It was a deafeningly silent mid day, mid week moment
On my back porch
I had grown tired of the crossword puzzle making me feel like an idiot
And had opted to flip the page
To tackle the word jumble
I had no choice but to notice the rustle
(Do the Rustle!)
It was not a zen moment
Not a second of enlightenment
A glimpse into the true nature of things
The Buddha nature
A haiku
It was a happenstance
And as is in my nature, I
For the sake of my pompous pontification
Hopped up onto my pedestal
And said,
“blah blah blah”
I’m a douche
Saturday, August 25
I am so blessed
Hello
I am depressed because of the whole slew of problems that I have right now which are that I have a job where I make no money, despite the fact that I am both pretty and smart, I owe roughly one million dollars to everyone and the mites in their beds, and all my problems basically boil down to money, the owing and absence of it, the shitty nature of normal job having, and how the old way of life is no longer an option.
I am depressed.
But at least I have his face to see, and his body to hug. He doesn’t dissolve my problems for me, but offers me a temporary respite from them.
And by ‘He’ I mean Jesus. That boy can really spoon!
One other thing which is actually good, but feels really bad right now is that I quit smoking although I did cheat last night since I worked all day and made 60 dollars, got a $133 ticket, and a flat tire, and this little cunt I work with was all like, ‘you have to find one last honey’, and also telling me that I had to roll 65 sets of silverware, despite the fact that I only had 4 tables, one of which didn’t even use silverware because it was Cris and Adam and they were just getting drunk.
Here are the reasons I shouldn’t be smoking:
1) It’s expensive
2) I feel asthmatic when I run, and I want to be in shape and healthy and have a nice body and also look good, so I’ll at least have that even though I’m a standard American who is poor and in debt
3) Cancer
4) Yellow teeth
5) Global warming
6) Wrinkly face (I am vain)
7) Coughing up loogies made even more disgusting by the fact that they have been made brown by tar and smut and rat poison
So after that, I don’t really feel any better about my life, but at least I feel more like an asshole for feeling so sorry for myself about stupid little problems since I am a huge baby.
All I want to do is live in a modest cabin on a cliff over looking the sea and spend my time on metal sculpture, culinary experimentations, herb gardening, writing, and blowing my man. Is that too much to fucking ask!?!
I don’t want a Bentley. I don’t want 24’s. I don’t want a pool in the shape of a dollar sign. Gucci and Prada, I don’t want a lotta. I don’t want any. Just cozy sweaters, a fireplace, a tea kettle, a library I’ll never exhaust, an ocean to swim in, even if it’s too cold to swim in, some friends, and most especially a Cris, but only one who spells his name without an ‘h’ and who ignores ‘I before e except after c’.
Also I don’t want to pay taxes.
I was just looking around trying to think of what I’d write next, holding my jaw in my hands, when I realized, my face feels really small. Great! I have an abnormally small head. Something else to feel self conscious about! Whoopeeeeee!
I am depressed because of the whole slew of problems that I have right now which are that I have a job where I make no money, despite the fact that I am both pretty and smart, I owe roughly one million dollars to everyone and the mites in their beds, and all my problems basically boil down to money, the owing and absence of it, the shitty nature of normal job having, and how the old way of life is no longer an option.
I am depressed.
But at least I have his face to see, and his body to hug. He doesn’t dissolve my problems for me, but offers me a temporary respite from them.
And by ‘He’ I mean Jesus. That boy can really spoon!
One other thing which is actually good, but feels really bad right now is that I quit smoking although I did cheat last night since I worked all day and made 60 dollars, got a $133 ticket, and a flat tire, and this little cunt I work with was all like, ‘you have to find one last honey’, and also telling me that I had to roll 65 sets of silverware, despite the fact that I only had 4 tables, one of which didn’t even use silverware because it was Cris and Adam and they were just getting drunk.
Here are the reasons I shouldn’t be smoking:
1) It’s expensive
2) I feel asthmatic when I run, and I want to be in shape and healthy and have a nice body and also look good, so I’ll at least have that even though I’m a standard American who is poor and in debt
3) Cancer
4) Yellow teeth
5) Global warming
6) Wrinkly face (I am vain)
7) Coughing up loogies made even more disgusting by the fact that they have been made brown by tar and smut and rat poison
So after that, I don’t really feel any better about my life, but at least I feel more like an asshole for feeling so sorry for myself about stupid little problems since I am a huge baby.
All I want to do is live in a modest cabin on a cliff over looking the sea and spend my time on metal sculpture, culinary experimentations, herb gardening, writing, and blowing my man. Is that too much to fucking ask!?!
I don’t want a Bentley. I don’t want 24’s. I don’t want a pool in the shape of a dollar sign. Gucci and Prada, I don’t want a lotta. I don’t want any. Just cozy sweaters, a fireplace, a tea kettle, a library I’ll never exhaust, an ocean to swim in, even if it’s too cold to swim in, some friends, and most especially a Cris, but only one who spells his name without an ‘h’ and who ignores ‘I before e except after c’.
Also I don’t want to pay taxes.
I was just looking around trying to think of what I’d write next, holding my jaw in my hands, when I realized, my face feels really small. Great! I have an abnormally small head. Something else to feel self conscious about! Whoopeeeeee!
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