My Mind

Music: Motino Unit, Andain, Rabbit in the Moon


I'll say that this hasn't been the most creative of times for me...
And contrary to the time of Toni's and my trip to Pennsylvania, I am neither making leaps nor bounds in the evolution of my ideas and beliefs.
But in the evolution of myself, (ideas and beliefs included), I am moving along steadily.
I am a turtle. Turtle good. Rabbit too crazy.
As in all areas of life, I find that my personal progress is best kept out of my hands.
Not being omniscient, I am obviously incapable of knowing what is best for me, and would, therefore, be making descisions and assumptions based on incomplete, and more than likely, incorrect data.
So slow and steady it is.

I am a mere physical facilitator.
I ask myself questions.
I read books.
I interact with the world.
I think on things lightly and put them to bed in my mind.
And always, sooner or later, what I wanted to know, or needed to know in some cases, occurs to me.
Maybe my mind needs time to assimilate before it can fully understand the question, and then goes through my brain, picking through pieces of stored information like tomatoes in a supermarket.
If that's the case, then these answers that come to me are, just as the info stored in my brain, likely incomplete and incorrect.
But I don't believe that.
I think they are from somewhere beyond me.
Call it what you want
.Argue with me if you think you have to.
But to me it's not debatable.

This is a relinquishing of power. A giving up.
Not only do I not know everything, I don't know anything.
So I give up my puny mental faculties and let the universe answer for me.

But am I strong enough to give up in every area of my life?
Because to even hold on to one thing, it still holding on.

In my higher moments, (no, not that kind of high), I am aware, and I try.
I suppose that in moments higher than that, which I don't really have yet, "there is no try, there is only do," to quote Mr. Miyagi.
In my normal moments, I forget and I make plans and get pissed off in traffic.
In my lowest moments, I am a snotting blob on the floor, crying at the terrible failure I've made of my life.
That's usually only during PMS time, when my defenses against the monster of my inner cesspool are too low for me to stop it.

But my attachment to plans thins, and I make less and less all the time.
I'm learning.
Change is slow.

And then there's the attachment to these ideas, these concepts.
Oh flow impeding attachment, why is my grip so strong?
(At least I'm not displacing blame.)
Hard to hang on and go with the flow at the same time.
Ask a swimmer. They shave everything.

So maybe I have been creative lately.
Creating my self.
Or maybe I shouldn't take credit for that.
Definitely I shouldn't.

So maybe I've been a cleaner conduit for change lately.
A conduit for the creative force to manifest.
But then aren't we all, all the time. Little catalysts.
I guess it's just about being open. Declogging your pipes.

Switch Open.

I really don't know what I'm talking about.
It's just feeling good to write.

Listening to My Mind by Motion Unit, getting goosebumps.
Now Make Me by Andain.
It's a new mix cd I made for myself, and it's worth its weight in gold. Platinum. Plutonium. Uranium.
That Motion Unit song is very obscure.

I'm leaving Seattle tomorrow. Not that I mentioned that I'm in Seattle. I'm going back to Austin, and I'm very much looking forward to 4 days of solo time on the drive home. Time to sing, see some beautiful country, practice my seated rave dancing, and to then arrive in Austin to my boyfriends open arms and hard cock.
Good times.
I'm hungry.
Peace out.