Is it wrong to buy a bottle/box of aged wine (the product turnover at that liquor store is deplorably low), a value sized container of economically piquant grape drink, at 5:20 in the evening, and not only consume the entire thing solo, but in under 30 minutes?
I may do this regardless of your morally superior (incorrect) opinion of, "Yes, it is wrong."
I was considering changing the, what I thought to be no longer aptly applied, name of my blog, the other day. I stopped considering that, when I realized that it is not only quite apt, but probably more so now that I've started writing from a perspective other than some sort of idealistic highhorse.
Who wants to wrap themselves in a cozy blanket of self-deprecating-glorifying-pitying, world weary, cynical, sarcastic, and boringly magniloquent humour? Well step on up kids, I've got a variety (one type) of cheap vino, 1 lb of peanut M&M's (half gone), a tub of crisco (also half gone) and a black rubber dildo (very broken in) the size of two Coke cans stacked. What the fuck does that even mean (shut up you twat)?
Update: Cigarettes are more powerful than god+jesus+black holes+infinite gravity+the compulsion to masturbate with a pillow when ever left alone for even a moment. They are not more powerful than Satan (god rest his soul) as they are made of a carefully rendered composite of the dark lord's nail clippings, semen, fromunda cheese, and just a dash of heroin(shocker!). The amalgamation is then roasted to a scrumptous crispiness (I'll give you one guess as to where), packaged and deilvered to my nearest convenience store, or as I like to call them, Chinese people, where they idle their time, preforming one seductive siren song or another, until I actually have to throw my car keys into the nearest pond (which is actually farther than the 'Chinese people') to avoid succumbing.
p.s. The car keys part is an artful embellishment, meant to enhance the appeal and intrigue of the former factual, even if dull, statements.
I just thought of a game. Let's think of something good that happened to us today.
.......
Well, that was a nice mental exercise in futility.
No no no. I can breathe. And that's always good. Also, I have a functioning healthy body.
The sad part of this all is, I don't even have a box of cheap wine with which to inebriate myself to a stupid degree. I made that all up.
But I am not a para... or better yet, quadraplegic. And that is good for me. Not for wheelchair production companies. But for me, it rocks.
I also have a very cool rug. It really ties the room together.
Wow! I'm feeling so much better.
Wow! I wish there was an internationally recognized font meant for conveying sarcastic tone.
The latter sentence was not sarcastic. The former was. Note the difference in font. Viva La Revolucion!
For your viewing pleasure, here is a photo of me passed out on V.D. over a plastic bag I had just thrown up into. Go on, have a laugh.
p.s. Is it wrong to rub one off to a picture of a kid you had a crush on in 5th grade, if said picture is a yearbook picture, and said yearbook is from 5th grade?
Purely hypothetical people. Tranquilo.
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