Emos exposed! and other lessons I've learned today...

You cannot assume that all hipsters, emos, but primarily attendees of funky retro styled coffee shops who have, in my opinion, ugly, premature comb over hair-dos, are also intellectuals. It is just a style. It is just a beverage. Neither have any bearing on the state of ones over all mental prowess.
I know it can be misleading, but trust me, they aren’t all conversing about philosophy , and the flaws in Kierkegaard’s discourse in God’s awesomeness (this bullshitting, brought to you, directly from my ass), over their steaming cups of unenhanced black coffee, expounding revelatory rhetoric between drags off their brown imported cigarettes.
Book covers should be illegal. We should all go naked. Though I’m sure we’d find some way of styling our pubic hair in order to accurately express our true inner being.
I’d be a Jerry Curl. Do you want to be friends with me?

Well, really there is only the one lesson, but an invaluable one I’d say. I’m sure I could contrive some more for your reading pleasure, but since I’m literally dying of a runny nose, and leaking eye, I can’t be bothered.

I am not a lesbian.

BBQ is good fresh, as leftovers, for breakfast, as a sexual additive, as a surrogate mother, for oneseys, as an obscure and probably inaccurate Lord of the Rings reference, and especially when covered in Stubb’s sauce, but especially especially when you’ve found an entire to go box of it, that you didn’t purchase, in your fridge, and the person who did purchase it, left this morning to go on the Appalachian Trail for 6 months, so obviously he’ll have no further use for it. Score!

Oh my god allergies get out of my life you aren’t welcome, doesn’t that make you uncomfortable enough to make you leave, are you drunk and indifferent?

It’s just occurred to me that whatever I’ve just written is severely disjointed and incoherent. Sorry.

I’m going to go out and find a job tomorrow. That’s all I really want to say about that since it wounds me deeply that my carefree days of going to work whenever I want and traveling for 3 months at a time are over because I obviously wouldn’t want to put my career at Chili’s (as an example of course) in detriment.
But yeah, wish me luck. I’m going to work all the time, and I’m on 6 days of not drinking and over 2 weeks of not smoking, and I’m going to go practice math right now (never could get that addition thing down), and also I’m going to write faux travel articles which will be posted here. The reason they will be ‘faux’ is because I’m not going to travel anywhere, but I’ll write them about Austin, and they’ll most likely suck since I don’t actually know how to write proper travel articles, but that’s why I need practice, so this time I’m serious, leave me comments and give critique you fools. Goddammit!
Look what you made me do! Dammit you know it hurts me more than it hurts you! Now come here, give me a hug. Don’t ever make me do that again, ok? I love you. Now run along and play.

Maybe my first article will be about my back yard. It seems to me that if you can make an eighth of an acre of over grown, cigarette ridden, corroding chain link fence encompassed, central Austin ground seem interesting, you can pretty much do anything.
I’m a little nervous, since writing with focus, as opposed to stream of consciousness jibber jabber, is a bit more challenging. But seeing as how I’m a border line uber genius, I doubt there will be any real problem, apart from me actually having to be awake to write the article.

See, I just implied that what I usually do is so elementary for me, I can, and usually do, write it in my sleep. I didn’t say this to make anyone feel inadequate in the language mastery department. I said this because it is true, and if you are pickled with envy at this moment, that’s just because you have low self esteem, you confuse there/their/they’re, you’re probably eating an olive right now (comparable to a chunk of Satan’s fetid rotting molar), and you should probably see a shrink and work out your mom issues. p.s. no, it isn’t normal to have those kinds of dreams.

Now that I’ve elevated my ego astronomically, by humiliating my entire imaginary fan base, I’m off to have coffee, and learn how to add numbers together, to make bigger numbers.