The problem with canned soups

It’s 9 o’clock in the morning, and here are the things I’ve already done:

Woke up
Read a text message
Got out of bed
Prepared a glass of ice water
Filled BOTH ice trays
Signed for a Fed Ex package that isn’t even for me
Put on the Boston Hoodie
Turned on Amon Tobin (not sexually…I meant his music)
Started writing this list

p.s. I’ve also looked out the window several times to enjoy the still dew dabbled and newly verdant back yard view to my right. Eventually there will be a sunny day again, I’m sure, since this is Texas, a place most people misconceive to be made entirely of desert, not the deluvian Pacific Northwest.
p.s. The song Back From Space by the aforementioned Amon Tobin + said overcast and slightly moist weather conundrum = disquieting ambiance for the Candice.

I’m leaving on Tuesday for LA, a.k.a. Smoggy Chancre on a Festering Boil in Sunny California. I won’t have a camera (shucks) which is disappointing, not because of the visually stunning photo opportunities of transcendent resplendence I will be unable to exploit, but because I’ll be unable to appease my blog inspired interest in the documentation of generally everything I do. P.S. I have more pictures of the Tiffers on the toilet than you’d care to know about, and while this isn’t something that I’ve done per say, it is something that occurs in my life roughly 12-16 times a day, that affects me significantly, as the bathroom door is rarely closed. Just as an example.

The reason that I won’t have a camera is because I’ve offered, out of the supple pink goodness of my heart, to let my friend James take my camera on the Appalachian Trail with him. He is leaving on Tuesday as well. He will be gone for about 6 months. This means certain death for my camera. I have reconciled the morality of this in my mind, since my camera was diagnosed in early December with a terminal case of Pixelitus.

Pixelitus affects the pixels on the display screen of digital cameras. Pixels will, for reasons as yet undetermined by scientists, turn black in completely random areas. Depending on the designs that the dead pixels have created on the display screen, the effect of this condition can be devastating or quite hilarious. In the case of my camera, people in vertically snapped photos often have a pointy, Captain Morgan-esque goatee. That’s funny.

But despite the hilarity of the disease in the case of my camera, I’ve decided to utilize this opportunity to flaunt my generosity whilst creating a impregnable reason to get a newer, smaller, cuter camera, with a bigger, blackened pixel free display. Everyone wins.
But in the mean time, I will be buying Kodak single use cameras which complicates my life to a dizzying degree (not really) unless I can convince Trenton to let me borrow his camera, I promise I will take care of it, I’ve had my camera for 2 years, I am dependable.

Also, if seen gallivanting about LA, with the likes of people who are the likes of which I’ll be gallivanting about with in LA, with a bright yellow Kodak fun shot 3,000 or whatever the fuck, I would be judged. And since I’m Candice, I’m used to doing the judging. (Okay, I WILL still be judging, but that’s not the point.) Comments will be made about lack of outdoor plumbing, horses and wagons as transport, and the ubiquitous lack of anything, namely cameras, non-disposable in the hick state of Texas.

What if they don’t like me!?!

Sometimes when I fart it smells like a newly opened can of vegetable soup. I was going to say ‘generic brand of vegetable soup’ but that’s unfair. This is quality. This is Campbell’s.