B is for Beer

I just found out today that either this fall or in the area of early ’09, Tom Robbins will be coming out with a new book, a children’s book, entitled B is for Beer. This is one of the happier events to take place in my life in recent history. The prospect of any new construction of written words by Tom Robbins who is, it is no secret, my hero and literary crush, it ti-ti-titillating to me.
I felt that titillating required a stutter in this instance.
I can’t wait! I have abandoned all here-to-fore intense interest in learning Spanish and acquiring the rape-me-in-the-ass expensive Rosetta Stone program, the compilation of a personalized dictionary for myself, and the possible start up writing career endeavor of resume writing. Life has a new spit shine on it, and you will find me observing my newly rendered reflection in it for some time to come.

It just occurred to me how sad it is that I’ve always been just ‘Candice’. That I’ve never had the personality to inspire some embarrassing nick name and at least a random arrangement of the sounds of my name, is quite distressing. My middle, for example, is Nicole. I could be Nico or Nicker. Or you could take the last syllables of both of my names, combine them, and contrive the blatantly hilarious Dic-cole. But no. It appears I am forever doomed to be merely ‘Candice.’
Even the previously self appointed names of ‘Grass Firefly’, ‘Pablo’, and ‘CJ’ stuck about as well as… Um… if anyone has a good analogy for something that doesn’t stick to something else (I have an abundance for the opposite) please share.
All I’ve ever gotten is some unimaginative variation on ‘candy’ which is not my name. Never call me that, I will risk prison to kill you.