I am so fired

Oh my Holy Bejeezus I am such a loser since I haven't written anything in infinity years.
It looks like I'm going to have to bring you all up to date with only the most essential of anecdotes and facteloids.

• Right now I'm at Kerbey Lane, post breakfast, and need I mention, post coffee. A few minutes ago I had to go and drop my customary coffee induced deuce, and would you believe, one of the two stalls in the ladies room in this shithole is 'Out of Service', so I was forced to perform a veritable symphony of flatulation and splashes for the next restroom patron, who was kind enough to wait, very quietly, just outside the stall door. Whilst in this situation, I was faced with a dilemma of cosmic proportions. Do I go ahead and do the, trust me, very necessary courtesy flush, and give myself away, or do I fore go the courtesy flush, and pollute the restroom with my noxious shit vapors, and give myself away? I'm sure you're quivering with anticipation to know which I chose, which I'll tell you right now, was the former. Trust me, it was the most altruistic option. I was not finished.
• Goddammit what the fuck am I talking about?
• I went to New York, lost my luggage on the way there, was stuck with only highwater jammy jews to wear, became deathly ill (i exaggerate), and had to spend the night in the Atlanta airport, coughing and sweating on everyone, due to weather delays (what the fuck is a Northeaster, holy mary mother of god, I'm from Texas for fucks sake). Needless to say the trip was a success. Seriously, it was great. Seriously. Le sigh. Shout out to Joey da Briz.
• I just had an acid flashback.
• I am gay for doing a shout out. Literally homosexual.
• I am a bargain hunting expert, since I got tennies (orange and blue awesomeness), 6 t-shirts, and a belt, all for $9.20. Genuflect at my perfectly formed feet.

Okay, I also have a blog entry which I wrote on the airplane to Cleveland, sitting safely and patiently in my very attractive journal which I made, but I am too lazy to do all dat bull shit.

So now I may go home and brush my teeth.

I am disgusting.