If you eat one red and one green gummy bear, simultaneously, it is an oral-gasm. I’ve just considered the possibility of eating two reds and two greens at the same time, and while as far as proportions go, this still works, I think the achievement of oral-gasm would be impeded by the difficulty of mastication. The effort is too distracting. The out come of any numbers higher than this is too obvious for me to even bother describing.
By the time I’m done writing this entry, I will have officially polished off an entire 5 oz., 3 serving, 450 calorie bag of Haribo Gold-Bears gummy candy. That is, within a 4 hour period.
p.s. Yellow gummy bears are gross. They taste like lemon fresh floor cleaner but I ate them anyway since I am a glutton.
A bit ago, I had a midday nap dream about saltwater taffy, and when I woke up, I knew I had to have gummy bears. So, I actually got up, and walked all the way (3 ½ blocks) to Walgreens to procure some.
Not only was the sating of the craving everything I had imagined it to be, but I got a free, bonus jaw muscle, iron pumping session. I’m gonna be so ripped up!
I was just thinking, and this is important…if I were drinking a refreshing and tasty cold beverage of the flavored-with-packaged-powder variety, and it was really delicious, and my thirst was very quenched by it and I was invigorated, and then someone tells me that instead of mixing the powder with water, they has mixed it with piss and added ice, I don’t think I’d be mad. I don’t even think I’d stop drinking it. (Note: please don’t ever do this.)
In the previous paragraph I was demonstrating how laid back and carefree I am, and also how I’m funny and don’t hold grudges longer than my inebriation lasts, and I always let things go after I’ve scratched the shit out of your drivers side door with my key, consequently stabbing myself under the fingernail with a chip of said paint. p.s. it really hurts when that happens.
As that old guy said in Way of the Gun, “Karma’s only justice without the satisfaction.”
The message there is, don’t just sit around and wait for some one or something, i.e. the cosmos, to take care of your shit for you. You have to be proactive in your approach. So get off your ass and go, in the words of my buddy Martynez, ‘administer some justice.”
Eating so many gummy bears made my tummy yucky. I feel vomity.
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1 comment:
who's car have you scratched? dont' answer that.
darling, i am utterly inspired by you. and i realize every time i read something you've posted i am desperately lonely for you. this, too, shall pass...until i read you again. what torture.
i hate gummie bears. they are nearly as disgusting as broccoli!
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